Raising healthy
children: Lessons from raising dogs
For as much of my life as I can remember, I’ve had two great
passions: animals and children. Not surprisingly, I have made my career as a
child psychologist and surround myself with animals that I utilize as
co-therapists. I have three children,
although they all have four legs, fur, and a tail. I have been a dog parent for
the past 13 ½ years, and currently share my life with three Labrador Retrievers
ages 13, nine, and two.
Over the years, I have witnessed firsthand a number of core
principles that apply to raising “good” dogs that seem so similar to those for
raising healthy children, and through my own mistakes and subsequent
improvements, I have observed how my own behavior, anxieties, and needs have
impacted the overall adjustment of my ‘children’.
Montana came into my life literally days after completing
college. I worked diligently to prepare him to be a therapy dog by exposing him
to everything imaginable; he went to a July 4th fireworks show on
the beach as a four-month old, met babies, the elderly, and generally as much
of the world as I could introduce him to. Montana quickly grew into an
unflappable, very social, and intelligent young dog. He also became stubborn,
manipulative (yes, smart dogs can be manipulative!), and had difficulty with separation
anxiety. These less-than-positive attributes were absolutely due to my
‘parenting’. As an example, instead of letting him ‘cry it out’ in his crate
the first few nights he was home, I took him into bed with me. Montana VERY
quickly learned that if he put up a fuss, he would get what he wanted.
Merlot joined our family when Montana was four. As a baby,
Merlot had two things going for her that Montana didn’t: a canine sibling to
learn from, and a mother with some dog training experience under her belt.
Merlot learned the word “NO” before she learned to sit, and because I was
consistent, she learned that “NO” really meant “NO,” whereas her brother
(Montana) learned that “NO” meant “keep insisting and she’ll give in.” I worked
hard and diligently on obedience and socialization with Merlot, and when she
was evaluated for therapy work, she earned a perfect score. She was my
co-therapist when I worked at a juvenile justice facility with loud, strong,
and physically aggressive teenage boys. She adored their company, seemed to
take the chaos of the facility in stride, and would quietly retreat to her
crate (her “safe haven”) when the energy became too much for her.
When my third lab, Shine, came to live with us as a
nine-week old puppy, I had recognized that I needed to bring young energy to
our home. Admittedly, I have left much of Shine’s rearing to my two seasoned,
well-mannered veterans, Montana and Merlot. Despite the very limited formal
training work I have put into her, Shine is an incredibly well-adjusted, calm,
and obedient dog. However, she has been raised with clear, consistent, and
enforced rules for her behavior; I run a tight ship at my house, balancing
tremendous nurture with high expectations for appropriate conduct. This blend
of warmth and consistent boundaries is akin to an authoritative parenting
style, which has consistently been most recommended by child-rearing experts
for encouraging healthy child development.
People frequently comment, “Your dogs are so good…how come
my dog is a lunatic?” and “I can’t believe there are three large dogs in your
house and yet it’s quiet and peaceful here”. When I have the opportunity to
share information with others about raising mannered, happy dogs, I find that
these conversations are so similar to those I have with parents about their
children in my role of psychologist. Because I wanted Shine to be even more
independent and confident than Merlot (who is infinitely more at-ease than
Montana), I have intentionally encouraged this by having her stay with different
friends and families for brief periods of time. While she is excited to come
home after each visit away, I consistently receive the same report: Shine is
happy, well-behaved, and social no matter the setting. She’s securely attached, which is what we hope
for with children. Secure attachment allows children (and dogs) to experience
their environment as safe because their parent is available and responsive to
their needs. Securely attached children (and dogs) are more confident, less
fearful, and tend be more social with peers.
I am certain that lessons I learned from raising my first
two dogs have allowed me to be the best parent I can be to Shine. She is
certainly the most well-adjusted of the three dogs and I know it is a result of
my better parenting through experience.
Coming soon: Raising
healthy children: Lessons from raising dogs, Part II
Top 10 parenting principles for promoting
positive child development
